Tag: relationships

50 Date Night Questions – Get To Know Your Other Half In New and Deeper Ways

Date nights become more difficult when we are married

If you disagree, I’m sure that means you and your spouse have found ways of stepping out of the norm to keep things new.

If you found that the opener resonate with you, then fear not, this seems to be a common problem among married couples. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage or love for one another is waning. Marriage is a bold and maturing step of any couple. In marriage, our lives, our living space, and our finances (hopefully) are shared. What this means is the couple now shares responsibilities together, are compelled to place more trust in each other and become more honest with one another (in fact, it should be the most honest relationship you have). Unless the union embarks on abuse or irreconcilable infidelity, this is a union with no backdoors, a relationship (perhaps a friendship) that says, “when the going gets tough, I’m not just going to run away. We are going to figure this out together and grow from it”. 

Still, couples are bound to feel periods of stagnancy when the two get into a routine. Now that you are living and bound to one another, perhaps you think you know everything about the other person already, perhaps asking how each of your days went gets old. Enjoyable and placating as it is to veg out with your spouse on the couch in front of the TV, deep down I’m sure the two of you are craving something engaging, some real quality time that is reminiscent of the “dating period”. 

In a previous relationship, I once asked a girlfriend to treat me as though I were a complete stranger, to pretend in front of our friends like we didn’t know anything about one another, to leave behind any assumptions, and to basically “play pretend”. The exercise never executed as there was some discomfort with the experiment, though I think there’s better ways of rekindling in a romance that spirit of “newness”.

Rekindling Novelty Through Date Night Questions

The awesome thing about date night questions is that it requires no fancy place to go out to, is affordable, and there’s actually an infinite amount of possibilities that will unfold with you and your spouse as you venture into said questions.

You’ll be surprised, you’ll disagree. Most importantly, you’ll probably see a new side of your spouse and get curious to see their other dimensions. 

I’ve searched for different lists of date night questions and I’m sure my list includes some of their suggestions. However, once you go through one list and had a good experience with them, you’re bound to want to try a new one. Here are 100 Date Night Questions meant to spur some new fresh talking material with you and your love.

Get ready for some crazy answers and conversation, and most importantly, get curious and dive deep into your love’s answers!

You’ll notice that some of these questions are meant to ask your partner to share about themselves and also for them to share how they perceive you. Hopefully this sharing provides new and exciting insights!

(PS: Comment below your set of Date Night Questions you’ve enjoyed using before or would like to pass on to others to try out!)

50 Date Night Questions

  1. If you had to live in another state/country for 5 years, what would be your top 3 choices be?
  2. If you had to start over and try any new field of study or career, what would it be?
  3. If you could experience a natural disaster without suffering harm or property damage, what disaster would I experience?
  4. What are my most attractive three features?
  5. What kitchen appliance would I be and why?
  6. What would you like you today go back and say to you from 3rd grade and you from middle school?
  7. What mundane super power would I have?
  8. What is something you are grateful for this week? What is something you wish you could have changed about it?
  9. In twenty years, I become famous for something. What is it for?
  10. If you could invite any celebrity over to your house for dinner, who would it be and why?
  11. If you could fly with wings or swim with fins & gills, which would you choose, and why?
  12. Your house starts on fire. Everyone else makes it out safe (including pets). You have a single backpack. What do you stuff it with, or, what three things do you take with you?
  13. What do you wish you could do over and why?
  14. What was your first impression of me when we first met? What was that day like for you? What feelings did you feel?
  15. If I had a podcast, what would it be called and what would it look like?
  16. What time and place in history would you love to go and visit and why?
  17. What extinct animal would you have as a pet?
  18. What hobby or skill do you wish you could instantly pick up?
  19. What is something you’d like me to work on?
  20. If you could only own five movies, what would they be?
  21. If I were a transformer (robots in disguise) what vehicle would I transform into?
  22. If they made a movie about me, what would they title it?
  23. If an actor/actress were to play me in a movie about me, who would you choose?
  24. In that movie about you, what opening scene would you choose?
  25. If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books would you have with you?
  26. It’s the apocalypse and you have a solar-powered CD player and just one CD. What CD is that?
  27. Money is not an issue. What does your dream home look like and where is it?
  28. Mention a dream you had when you were a kid that has stuck with you.
  29. Who is someone you wish I had a better relationship with (or extended grace to)?
  30. Which friend or family member of mine do you appreciate the most, and what is their best quality?
  31. What is the most hurtful thing a friend or family member has said to you, about you, or asked you to improve upon?
  32. What is something you wish you could improve in in regards to your relationship with others?
  33. If could be memorialized for one virtue, what would it be, and why?
  34. What food do you wish you could eat for the rest of your life without consequence?
  35. When have you experienced the most amount of pain in your life?
  36. What would you say is my spirit animal?
  37. What class are you glad you never have to take again? Why?
  38. Which teacher left the greatest impact on you? Why? What were they like?
  39. If you could ask any deceased person one question, who would you ask the question to and what would you ask?
  40. In 50 years, what invention or discovery will be attributed to me?
  41. What is a memory in my life I wish you could take a time machine to go experience?
  42. Round your age up to the next decade. If you could do whatever you wanted on that birthday of yours, what would you do?
  43. What is a fear I haven’t shared with you yet?
  44. If I wrote a self-help book titled, “5 Rules for Life” what would my 5 Rules be?
  45. Reverse Question 44…
  46. What literary/fictional character do I remind you of?
  47. When have you seen me at my best?
  48. Describe then share what you think your coat of arms, together would have, describing the following:
    1. What color (or two colors) would the shield be?
    2. What interlocking weapons/instruments/objects would appear underneath?
    3. What four symbols would appear on the crest/shield?
    4. What figures would be holding it up?
    5. What would be at the top of the helmet?
    6. What would the motto be at the end?
  49. Using my initials, describe me in three words.
  50. What question do you wish was on this list (write it down instead)?

Genesis 2: Solitary Confinement, Communion, Ontology

Genesis 2:15-25

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Isolation is crippling.

I heard a friend once mention after losing their spouse and living alone in their home; they often feel they imagine noises, hear things that perhaps aren’t real, figments of their imagination. Having spent some time as a bachelor, I felt I could echo the same sentiment, living in a large apartment on my own, staying awake in the late nights, flinching and cringing at every creak and noise.

The best testimonies we have to this truth come from those who survive solitary confinement in prison. This extended period of isolation has instilled symptoms of mania in the inmates, causing auditory hallucination, a disintegration of any sense of self, an obsession for detail, and to relate to anything they possibly can see or parse out in their lonely cell.

It is not well for man to be alone. God is one in three, always enjoying fellowship and communion through the three divine hypostasis. We human beings, made in the Image and Likeness of a God of Communion, crave communion. There is a kind of mental fortitude needed to endure isolation, and ultimately extended periods of it are damaging to our psyche and identity. Some live out in the wilderness and do manage, though I imagine those who maintain this without succumbing to madness have some kind of communion with God, a relationship with Him, His Scripture, etc.

Go ahead. Find a weekend where you can get away, live in a cabin in the wilderness without leaning on texting, videos, or distractions. After a night of enduring darkness and silence alone, the itch for human connection sets in badly.

No matter how cavalier, narcissistic, sociopathic someone might be, communion is required in some fashion. I have found that those who can speak at length about themselves without stopping still require knowledge that someone is listening to their story, even if the interaction is superficial; in fact I have found this phenomenon happen especially among those without support, without deep connections, lonely individuals.

Socializing/Relationships is A Need

Socializing is a need, not unlike hunger. Unfortunately, what is common in those who have lost someone significant in their life (a child, a spouse, a parent) that those two needs sometimes go unaddressed. An appetite is lost, and one lacks the drive to see friends or meet new people. These are manifestations of grief, and perhaps a little solitude and fasting is healthy, but it is only best utilized when it is purposeful and not permanent.

Socializing is a need, but we ought to distinguish one thing: an individual is not a need. It’s a fine distinction. We need each other, but we cannot make someone else a need. “I need you” is a dangerous sentiment that can lead to under-functioning dynamics, to co-dependent and enabling behaviors. We cannot work our needs through others unless that need is presence, an ability to socialize, a meaningful relationship, etc. But we cannot work out our personal needs for control, relevance, worthiness, attention, and the like through others–by trying to address this need, we will invariably push others away.

When we look at our need to socialize, we are addressing our human condition of dwelling among each other. We are not tools unto one another. Rather, we are all sharing in the image and likeness of God, of recognizing how holy and good it is for us to dwell in communion with one another. It refreshes our very being, it provides us objectivity, it brings joy, and it is the only means that love can be experienced.

Communion and socializing is a need, and it refreshes our very being and identity. In any relationship, there is give and take. We look to others for objectivity for our performance, our behavior, our appearance, what have you; these things we cannot really be experts about on our own. An outside perspective shares to us not only what they see to be true and what we can grow in, but it also gives us a reference point as to who we are. As mentioned before of those in solitary confinement, identity is lost when those inmates suffer from extended periods of isolation. They lose the sense of their name, their past, their sense of self. Others call us by our name; they give us a name, they treat us as parent/child/friend/etc. We are something to one another, and our very names are given to us by someone else.

We need each other, but we do not need anyone individual. We need others that we may grow, that we may be shaped, that the iron of our souls might be sharpened and strengthened by someone else’s iron. We need communion for our souls, for our beings, for our identity, and that communion will provide the best health according to how honest and real that relationship is.

It is not good for humanity to be alone.

How blessed is it when brethren dwell together!

Today, consider the following:

  • What are the most significant relationship in your life? What ways are you formed/shaped/changed from them? Are those positive or negative changes? What ways do you mold the other, and are these positive or negative changes?
  • When have you felt truly alone or bored? What have you gone to? Was it healthy or was it a distraction from the loneliness?
  • Write down five adjectives of yourself. What is your identity? How do the others inform it? Is it informed on your own? If you polled five other people to define you–family, friends, enemies, coworkers–how might they describe you and where is the intersectionality of those details?
  • What meaningful relationship do you have now that you grow from and can receive honesty from? If it’s hard to think who this person might be, what might that relationship look like with someone you are close with, or how might you go about fostering/finding that relationship?